The Coffee Runner

Staying sane one cup of coffee at a time


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Well it’s been a while

It has been quite some time since my last entry on here. Probably over a month, yeah. Apologies about that but…life gets in the way you know? Anyway, so I just feel like writing this all down today because I need these thoughts out on paper….”paper” as opposed to swirling around inside my own head.

First things first, I’m injured. It’s awful. It’s been present for about 5 days now. It’s been lingering for well over a week and though the pain seems to be fading it’s still quite bothersome. I can’t run, I can’t squat, I can’t bike. It’s a hip flexor/joint injury. I’m chalking it up to running on tight hips and loading too much weight on without properly stretching before squats. Hopefully this will heal in the next few days, maybe not to 100%, but by mid October I’d like to be running my usual mileage again.

This means I may not be able to participate in the Hartford Half…something that kind of saddens me. I’ve wanted to run in this race for a while now, but I don’t want to perpetuate the injury. Sigh, decisions, decisions.

Anyway, so that’s kind of a pain in the ass and I’m letting it rest and getting enough stretching in but every morning I wake up and put weight on it it seems worse. It gets better after morning time and worse at evening. I just want to be able to jump out of bed and go, you know? Come on body! Heal quicker!!! This also means that I haven’t been able to play tennis with nmy dad for a bit. We’ve developed a routine of waking early and going to the high  school to play. I’m  hoping by next week I’m able to get out there. I really miss the fresh morning air and running around…

 

Secondly, school has begun for college kids which means the gym is packed. ALL THE TIME. Mostly with guys standing around the mirrors flexing and admiring but…whatever. It just means more maneuvering. It’s also frustrating not to lift heavy. So…frustrating…

 

I’ve been on the hunt for a full time job for a while now. I have two part time restaurant jobs that treat me well, but again I’ve been out of both for over a week due to my hip. I don’t want to work in a restaurant for the rest of my life…it’s just an in between job and although I love the people there it’s not something I want to make my career, you know? Sigh…

It’s crazy. Employers want people who are “experienced” but they don’t seem to understand that there’s no such thing as an “experienced college student”. And guess what? All of those internship opportunities? YEAH THEY’RE BULLSHIT. I’m not learning how to push papers and file here guys. It’s aggravating. It doesn’t help us actually learn the details and nuts and bolts of the job we want. Half the time we end up choosing a different path than we had initially intended entirely anyway.

 

So last thing…my baby boy comes back in October. He’s been gone for over 8 months for the National Guard. He was in SC for basic and Virginia for his MOS training. I cannot WAIT to see him. Partially because I miss him to death, but also because I’m so FUCKING tired of men who think it’s OK to hit on women with boyfriends. They think they’re being cute by trying to “steal” our hearts away. NO. LEAVE US ALONE. WE’RE IN RELATIONSHIPS. FUCK OFF. You’re not charming. You’re only mildly attractive on the surface. You’ve faded. You don’t know me and never will. You’ll never have my heart.

I’ll see ya’ll on the flip side

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Restaurants

So I recently saw a list of words on some website that have an entirely different meaning to servers and restaurant staff than they do regular civilians. Yes, we are our own separate breed. For those of you who have never worked in a restaurant or food and beverage industry…these terms may seem foreign to you, but to us…they are all just part of the job. Below are some common terms and phrases servers hear and know that can mean a hellish 6 hours awaits them.

 

Camping: An act that is typically a relaxing excursion to some remote place with a pool/lake and bike paths. You have campfires, drink plenty of beer and get away from reality.

What camping means for servers: When people sit with full water glasses at a table for an additional two hours after everything has been cleared off the table. These people often do not even have the courtesy to give the server their card. They just sit there chatting away (yes, 9 times out of ten they are indeed women) and they seem to have no idea of the amount of other people waiting for their seat. Also, if you are a reservation, that’s okay…but please understand that we need your table within a reasonable (2 hour) time limit.

 

The phrase “What’s good here?”

The appropriate response: “Well, I like some dishes better than others but there are some particular ones that have gotten great reviews…here, let me show you!”

What we want to say: “GEE. I DON’T KNOW YOU FUCK. EVERYTHING? I’M HUNGRY ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME. THAT’S LIKE WALKING INTO A CANDY STORE AND SAYING ‘WHAT’S GOOD HERE?’. NOPE SORRY. IT’S ALL SHIT AND EVERYTHING SUCKS. READ THE MENU. YOU FUCK.

 

Behind: Either referring to a person’s rear end or something that is posterior to something else

What Behind means for servers: We are literally right behind you and have a full tray of wine glasses and if you happen to be shuffling through and throwing dishes in the dirty bin and whirling around like a durbish without care, I will kill you. Stay two feet away.

 

The phrase “It’s his/her birthday!”

The appropriate response: “Oh, happy birthday! How old are you turning? I remember that age, awww so cute! We’ll have a special surprise for you if you eat all your vegetables!”

What we want to say: COOL. GREAT. YOU KNOW HOW MANY BIRTHDAYS THERE ARE TODAY? MILLIONS. SO YOU EXPECT THIS TO BE A SPECIAL DAY FOR YOUR KID? AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO LEAVE ME 12% CAUSE I DIDN’T BRING THE CAKE OUT FAST ENOUGH AND SOME OF IT MELTED, RIGHT? WE HAVE TO STOP EVERYTHING WE’RE DOING FOR YOUR KID’S BIRTHDAY. WELL, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND TELL YOUR KID THAT SOMEDAY THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK ON THEIR BIRTHDAY AND SEE HOW THEY ACT THEN.

 

Tips: A generous donation out of your own pocket for our tremendous service.

What tips mean to servers : Our lifeline. give us more than two dollars. We cleaned up your kid’s mess, brought you extra sauce, offered you free dessert and remembered your order by memory without fail.

 

The phrase “Do you think that’s enough food for me?”

The appropriate response: “Well, I’m not sure, I mean to me it may not be enough because I’m always hungry (so true) but perhaps you might want to consider getting a side salad or soup before to fill you up!”

What we want to say: “NOPE. ORDER MORE. COME ON, HIKE UP THAT BILL WE WANT MORE MONEY BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT WE’RE ACTUALLY JUST UPSELLING TO GET MORE OF A TIP.”

What we want to say part two: “I’M NOT YOUR STOMACH. I’M ALWAYS HUNGRY. I DON’T KNOW YOUR CALORIC NEEDS.”

 

Chef: A professional cook who knows the ins and outs of every single detail regarding food. An admired and respected individual who loves culinary

What a chef means to servers: Our best friend or our worst enemy. The fate of our tips.

 

The phrase “But can you tell the chef to substitute this for that? And I’m also allergic to this so none of that please”

The Appropriate response: “Sure! We can absolutely do that for you, no problem!”

What servers want to say: “Actually, our chefs speak little to no English (where I work) and will have an incredibly hard time deciphering your incredibly complex order and personal needs, so no, sorry, we cannot accomodate your meal.

What servers want to say part two: “GO MAKE THE MEAL YOURSELF. THIS ISN’T FROYOWORLD WHERE YOU CHOOSE THE TOPPINGS.”

 

So yes, these are only some of thes pesky irritants servers have to deal with on a regular basis. Of course, at some points I am overexaggerating, but really..at times…it gets to be enough and you begin to question your sanity and life decision on keeping the job.

 


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Can I Just Say Something?

People I want phased out:

Low talkers who think you’re sitting right next to them so they talk to themselves and down into their shirt

People who walk slow in restaurants admiring the scenery  and taking it all in. I’m hungry, move. As a server, my customers are hungry, so move. You came here to eat, right?

People who are constantly thinking about food and how it rules their entire life. Food rules my life too, I love to eat, but not in a “I have to eat clean and measure everything out or else I’m doomed” kind of way. Food is not meant to have numbers. Just fucking eat without guilt.

People who tap their feet on the floor when they sit behind you

People who tap their credit cards on the table while waiting for the cashier to finish ringing them up

People who like to throw big words into conversations that would otherwise never be used in regular conversations, only to look cool

The “Ums” and “like” people

Old people who stare at young people when an inch of flesh is showing

Young people who act as if the world is their stripping stage

Overbearing husbands

Overly conscious and calculated fitness nerds who post everything on every social media site and feel entitled.

To go along with that, fitness enthusiasts who feel that they are somehow “certified” to teach/train other people.

People who don’t move out of the way when you’re card shopping. Or when you need just that one carton of orange juice that they happen to be conveniently standing in front of

People who come to dine in ten minutes before the restaurant closes and feel it is their right to eat whenver they want as long as the sign says “open”

 

I think that’s it for now. I know I’ll think of more later in the next hour.