The Coffee Runner

Staying sane one cup of coffee at a time

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So lately I’ve been kind of in a weird state when it comes to my workouts and life in all forms. I’ve sort of abandoned all routine and structure and am content with just letting things ride. It’s making me mentally more at peace but also a bit anxious as well. I keep thinking that I’m not getting anything done and that my level of productivity is nowhere near where it used to be. I have this head fog going on and I feel as though I’m just kind of meandering through life.

Then again, I’m calmer and more relaxed and much more efficient than I used to be so it’s kind of a paradox. The more I seem to think I’m incapable of getting anything done and the more I get anxious, the more I realize I’m calmer and more efficient than ever before. This goes for everything going on in my life.

I have also restructured my entire workout routine and no longer include running six miles every day. Maybe 4 every other day. Lifting has taken over, and I’ve been trying to stretch and do a bit more yoga as well to aid in mobility. Lifting has really given me the phyiscal and mental strength of moving forward and being happy and truly seeing progress. Sometimes I fall behind and feel as though I’m just floating, but then I re evaluate the situation and realize that I’m the one who holds most clarity over the people I associate with.

At times I feel numb, and at times I feel like my mental capacity for people with little ambition is steadily closing, but then I realize…they do have goals, just different than my own. they may not wear their goals on their sleeve. They are also not trying to compete with anyone, most importantly themselves. I have to learn to remain at peace with myself and maintain a steady balance of fun, work and play. I like to go out but I also crave my alone time and solitude. I lose myself if I don’t get that.

For example, right now I feel at great peace. I’m home, in my living room, sipping coffee and stretching before my lifts. It provides me with the strength and motivation. It’s a steady voice in my head that says, “keep going.” Mental endurance, you know? It’s helped my push through my toughest runs, heaviest lifts, and worst hangovers. It’s all in my head.

But really, I think it’s just a balancing act, as with everything. It’s better to realize that now than later. I CAN do it all, but just not all at once. I am learning not to obsess or worry over small issues because I always pull through in the end. If I feel weak or fat or dumb or fuzzy, I know that my body and mind will recover. I just have to give them time. I need to provide nourishment to both body and soul. I know I will be alright, and it’s that steadfast attitude that has gotten me to where I currently stand.

I no longer stress over cardio or eating entirly healthy all the time because I know I will eventually get back on track. I know that I can just drink water and rest and my body will repair itself. I know now that I don’t have to put my body through strenuous workouts every day and every hour. I’ve learned it’s OK to eat and indulge here and there. I can eat pizza or chips or ice cream or bagels because I WILL use that enegy as a fuel source and my body actually NEEDS it.

I think it’s just finding that balance and feeling comfortable with what you have, physically, and mentally.



Life Problems

Lately I’ve been faced with a number of personal problems that I feel need to be shared either for the sake of sharing or for advice or whatever. Here’s the list:

1. I feel full after eating literally two bites of anything. It’s strange. It’s not like I’m rushing through meals either. I’m eating my normal diet which is 95% healthy. The other 5% is sweets which have never bothered me. I’m active as hell and usually can gobble down any meal. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been a little less active lately so maybe my body is adjusting to the lower calorie needs? Maybe it understands I don’t need an entire platter of wings or sushi to replenish my muscles. Hmm…

2. Following that, I haven’t been feeling too great lately either. I’ve felt either tired or sick or just queasy. I can’t move as fast as I used to and I don’t feel as strong. I’m getting enough sleep, definitely. Almost too much. I’m not eating anything different. I just feel…mentally and physically drained.

3. I haven’t been exercising nearly as much due to the fact that life gets in the way and I want my body to take a break from all of the constant stresses of exercising.

4. I feel like I am slowly losing sight of all of the hobbies I used to have interest in and floating through life. I thought I was well over this stage in high school and thought it was over but apparently not. I hate these days where I feel like I just floated through. And to be honest, I’m kind of tired of just doing nothing.

5. No spontaneity and nothing new is really starting to get to me.

6. I need to go on a long bike ride after this breakfast and feel renewed.

7. I want to be able to deadlift again and hit some new personal bests in my lifting routine

8. I want to be financially stable again and be able to pay off my student loans and receive my diploma. It’s bothering me that I just blow money on food and drink mostly. Coffee mostly, go figure. I need to be much more frugal with my money.

9. I want real friends, not just the type who talk about each other behind each others’ back or only enjoy your compnay when they’re under the influence. Real friends, the ones I had in high school.

10. Mostly,  I want my boyfriend to come home from Virginia. He’s in the Guard and is training down there. I want him home and safe and I want him in my arms.


On more of a personal note

This is more a personal post, rather than something sarcastic, informative, opinionated or rant-based. So consider this a break from my normal posts and just enjoy.


I’ve been playing my guitar a lot more recently and it’s got me thinking….I could make some money doing this. I began playing guitar when I was maybe 10? 12? I’m self taught mostly, though I owe a great deal of my scale knowledge to a woman named Lin Belliveau. I mostly like chord progressions that mimic those of Indie artists. I’m not much into picking because I think that if you’re able to move somebody through three simple chords, that is much more impressive.

I’ve began learning a lot more covers of songs, but have strung together a few licks of my own. I want to try and maybe play at some cafes or something and make some extra cash on the side. I’ve never really told anybody this, but one of my biggest dreams is to sing in front of people. Anybody who will listen, really. It doesn’t have to be a stage, it could be a cafe or lounge. I just want to sing and play. I get such enjoyment from it. I am so glad I have rediscovered this instrument and its beauty.

I feel free when I’m playing and I love to improvise. That feeling of just having such power and grace and feeling connected to something that’s not alive. It kind of becomes you, honestly.

But seriously guys, I want to start to play out. I just have to get over my fear of playing in front of people. I need to step outside my comfort zone and go for it. I think I would a much happier person and feel better about my ability as a musician if I played in front of others. It would give me something to look forward to.