So lately I’ve been kind of in a weird state when it comes to my workouts and life in all forms. I’ve sort of abandoned all routine and structure and am content with just letting things ride. It’s making me mentally more at peace but also a bit anxious as well. I keep thinking that I’m not getting anything done and that my level of productivity is nowhere near where it used to be. I have this head fog going on and I feel as though I’m just kind of meandering through life.
Then again, I’m calmer and more relaxed and much more efficient than I used to be so it’s kind of a paradox. The more I seem to think I’m incapable of getting anything done and the more I get anxious, the more I realize I’m calmer and more efficient than ever before. This goes for everything going on in my life.
I have also restructured my entire workout routine and no longer include running six miles every day. Maybe 4 every other day. Lifting has taken over, and I’ve been trying to stretch and do a bit more yoga as well to aid in mobility. Lifting has really given me the phyiscal and mental strength of moving forward and being happy and truly seeing progress. Sometimes I fall behind and feel as though I’m just floating, but then I re evaluate the situation and realize that I’m the one who holds most clarity over the people I associate with.
At times I feel numb, and at times I feel like my mental capacity for people with little ambition is steadily closing, but then I realize…they do have goals, just different than my own. they may not wear their goals on their sleeve. They are also not trying to compete with anyone, most importantly themselves. I have to learn to remain at peace with myself and maintain a steady balance of fun, work and play. I like to go out but I also crave my alone time and solitude. I lose myself if I don’t get that.
For example, right now I feel at great peace. I’m home, in my living room, sipping coffee and stretching before my lifts. It provides me with the strength and motivation. It’s a steady voice in my head that says, “keep going.” Mental endurance, you know? It’s helped my push through my toughest runs, heaviest lifts, and worst hangovers. It’s all in my head.
But really, I think it’s just a balancing act, as with everything. It’s better to realize that now than later. I CAN do it all, but just not all at once. I am learning not to obsess or worry over small issues because I always pull through in the end. If I feel weak or fat or dumb or fuzzy, I know that my body and mind will recover. I just have to give them time. I need to provide nourishment to both body and soul. I know I will be alright, and it’s that steadfast attitude that has gotten me to where I currently stand.
I no longer stress over cardio or eating entirly healthy all the time because I know I will eventually get back on track. I know that I can just drink water and rest and my body will repair itself. I know now that I don’t have to put my body through strenuous workouts every day and every hour. I’ve learned it’s OK to eat and indulge here and there. I can eat pizza or chips or ice cream or bagels because I WILL use that enegy as a fuel source and my body actually NEEDS it.
I think it’s just finding that balance and feeling comfortable with what you have, physically, and mentally.