The Coffee Runner

Staying sane one cup of coffee at a time


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Growing up

Ugh. I never thought it would be this….heavy. Carrying all of this weight as an adult. I never thought I’d be in such a rut…both mentally, physically and financially. You always hear about that stories, but never imagine it could happen to you. I feel anxious, like I should be doing more. Thoughts racing. I went back to Lexapro to ease my anxiety so hopefully in a week I’ll be a bit more stable. Plus, I go back to my old job today which I’m kind of happy about.

See, I took on a new job and I’m really happy about it. The people are great, the job itself is okay…but I feel like I’m just moving laterally in life. I’m not moving forward…you know? College degree and two restaurant jobs…it’s not exactly what I’d call successful. I know it takes time and I’m being hard on myself…but I’m worried that I’ll just fade into this for years to come…

There’s also the fact that I’m not entirely sure or motivated in what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I have ideas and I’ll tell people “Oh yeah, I wanna be this or get into this” but then I’m like…what do I REALLY want to achieve. I’m incredibly capable. I’m bright enough. I’m witty. But I’m too conscious and too aware of what people are thinking at all times. I become sort of stuck in what other people are thinking of me and my decisions and fixate on that which ultimately leads to my downfall.

I’m at a point now where I’m just floating. I’m floating at work, floating in life. I wish I were back in school. I wish I had persued something different, like medicine or something practical. I wish I could re-do my degree. I’d certainly focus on the sciences. Sigh. Something will fall…

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I need your help

Hey guys..so I’m in need of some of your help. It’s okay if you don’t want to respond or find this post somewhat naive or lame. In any sense…I’m about to pop the question.

CAN YOU GUYS HELP ME FIND A JOB?!

Seriously. It’s harder than ever now and I’m not even entirely sure what I want to do.

My degree is in Communication and my specialty or “area of expertise” is Journalism/writing…however as you all know…newspapers are going the way of the anicent Pilgrims these days…and that’s why I started this blog

I was struggling to kind of get up and going on my feet and admittedly, my writing is a tad rusty so excuse me if it sounds somewhat convoluted. A friend who I was working with told me that I should start a blog just to get my thoughts into writing and it has helped tremendously. My problems is that I’m too lazy to actually research a topic unless I’m INCREDIBLY passionate about it. So I guess, really…I’m like most people in that sense.

Also, whenever I tell anybody that I want to be a writer or write for a company they kind of look down on me and do that whole pat me on the head oh you’re so cute thing…that or they entirely dismiss the idea as childish, archaic and a waste of time for little money.

I need help guys. Where can I write that will make me money? Some people have indeed become wildly successful in writing blogs but I’m not sure that’s something that would interest me…after all…that takes a lot of upkeep and you need to keep up to date with special topics…something that doesn’t interest me much. (Kimye? Nuff said.)

Sigh…it’s the age old struggle…doing what you love vs making money.