The Coffee Runner

Staying sane one cup of coffee at a time


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Tomorrow

So tomorrow is my duathlon…although I am somewhat nerved (which is quite normal), I have to say I’m super excited because I know that I can actually perform well. I have had a slight dullness in my right leg and have been kind of weary of that since two days ago. I may have overdone a little running. I’m anxious to get up early and have everything and just get there. I’ve never done a distance quite like this before, but I’m looking to run fast, hard and go long and hard on my bike. I just want to finish smiling and strong and I know I will feel amazing after it’s all over. I haven’t drank all week and was considering having a beer tonight to just calm my nerves but I think I’ll just indulge in pizza instead.

So yeah, basically just been relaxing and allowing my body to hang. I’m itching for a run, which is exactly what I want. I want my body primed and ready and itching to go tomorrow morning. I’m getting up at 4 to arrive at 6. The race begins at 7:30. I’m estimating it’ll take me til about 9:45-10:00 to complete. Maybe 25 minutes for the first leg, about 45 minutes for the second, and close to 50 for the third. Let’s hope I can shave some of that time though! Wish me luck!


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Also

Also, I haven’t drank this entire week due to the duathlon. I usually like to cleanse my body and prepare it for a rigorous athletic event. So, I haven’t drank in three days. I usually have a drink every night just to unwind and relax (when you work in a restaurant, it’s beyond necessary), but I’ve cut all alcohol and/or any other substances out to make sure my body can operate at peak level come Sunday.

With that being said, I think I’ll enjoy going without a drink for a while. When I finally do decide to have one, it’ll feel great and relaxing. I think I might actually hold out until I go visit my boyfriend down in VA. That, or on my mother’s birthday, the 25th of this month. Either way, it’ll have been about two weeks on my mom’s birthday and it’s a celebration so…why not? Right?

On another related note, I’ve found lately that I’m not in fact as boring as I thought I was. I used to think that in order to be interesting, you needed to go out all the time and spend time with a lot of people. Not true. I’m an incredible introvert and have always felt slightly out of place in larger crowds. I love my friends and I enjoy good company, but at the right times and places. If that means going a few weeks without seeing my close pals, so be it. I’d rather see them once every month and have something meaningful to discuss rather than go out every night binge drinking and laughing without any real conversational depth.

The reason I bring this up is because I’ve noticed lately that working in a restaurant sort of takes away a person’s personal interests and hobbies. The restaurant consumes them. Their outlet is a strong drink or cigarette to get them through the next shift. I don’t want to become that person who needs substance to function or deal with my stress. It’s not healthy. I’ve noticed a lot of the people I work with choose that outlet. It’s cool, and they’re no less of a person but I’ve realized that a lot of them don’t carry any aspirations other than working at a restaurant. I mean, what fun is that? Drinking every night? Years go by and then all of a sudden you find yourself at 30 with no degree and no real work experience other than compensating a meal and cleaning up a kid’s spaghetti spill. I don’t know, I mean…like I said, time and a place for that sort of thing. It gets tiresome and lonely surrounding yourself with people who are constantly in a drunken/buzzed hazed. It makes you feel self conscious about NOT doing that kind of thing. I have actual hobbies though! I work out, I read, I play guitar, I write, I play tennis, basketball, run, bike, hike, draw…I do stuff. It’s that simple. I used to think all of that was boring and that I was some kind of creature from the other world. That’s not true…I’m the interesting one in this scenario. I’m the one who actually has a direction, who knows what they like and doesn’t need other people to validate my interests.

Sorry, that kind of turned into a long rant. There’s nothing wrong with drinking or going out. But please, if that’s all you do? You should re evaluate your priorities a bit.


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Duathlon

So, I’m competing in a duathlon in three days. My first one ever! I have done several sprint distance triathlons before, but never an Olympic duathlon. I opted out of the olympic style tri because I felt that I was not prepared for the swimming leg. First, I hate swimming and have never been a strong swimmer. I decided to take a safer and more challenging route. Challenging in the sense that in this event, I’ll be able to better challenge my speed and other competitors in sports that I am actually good at (running, biking) If I were to do the swim, I might actually get kicked in the face and drown. I thought about the whole gung ho attitude of “fuck it, face your fears” but I’m actually really frightened of swimming and open water. I’m a grounded person, not my thing. Also, I haven’t trained for it and I just don’t like being wet in a giant open lake with strangers. Yeah, sit on that for a moment.

 

Anyway, an olympic style duathlon is 2.85 run, 24.8 mile ride and a 6.2 mile run. I am ready to conquer and destroy. I haven’t biked in a while but I’m using that as a tool to have fresh legs coming out of the sub 3 miler. My biggest worry is transition, as always. However, unlike a triathlon, I will not have to worry about stepping into socks with wet feet after swimming a mile. (By the way, swimming a mile is FUCKING LONG) I can just hop onto my bike and go. I’m estimating the entire event will take me anywhere from 2 hours to 2:45 hours depending on my bike speed. I’m not concerned about the run. I know I’ll have it when I reach that 4 mile point on my last running leg. I’m excited! Actually, I’m not as nervous as I have been in previous races. Perhaps it’s because I know what I can put my body through and I’ve been getting stronger and more confident in both my endurance and lifting routines. One day I will compete in a full length triathlon, I know I will…but for now, a duathlon Olympic style will fair just fine. Wish me luck!


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This is What We Look Like

Apologies for the absence on here. Life in the way and such. I also haven’t found the motivation to actually sit down and write a blog post. Now, I have the motivation to cook myself breakfast, brew myself a lovely cup of coffee and go to the gym…but yes when it comes to writing I in fact…am a lazy piece of muck. Or shit. Yeah.

I came home from work one night and talked to my dad about the idiocracy of human interaction. It’s hilarious. It’s ludicrous, really. I’m talking about how we respond or react to every day situations. From an outsider looking in, it’s utter amusement, but for the poor soul enduring this common dilemma, it’s nothing but frustration and incredulity.

If you’re not catching my drift just yet, don’t worry…this isn’t something that a majority of the population will understand. But I have faith in you fellow WordPressers and might go as far to say that I can confide in you guys when it comes to these types of situations. Can we empathize a bit here? Let’s begin

Scenario 1: The Immovable Man

Ever notice that when you’re on a mission to get to a certain object, there’s one person (usually an older folk) who seems to be super glued to the exact location you need to be in in order to reach that product. Example: my dad was attempting to reach the Orange juice one day in a grocery store, and this one older gentlemen appeared to be bolted to the ground, inspected each carton methodically for its listed ingredients. Buddy, let me tell you what’s in orange juice…ORANGE JUICE. Tropicana, Minute Maid, it’s all the same. Can you please have the courtesy to move yourself a few inches over so other people can reach this juice without having to launch themselves over you? Oh, and don’t glare at us as if we’re in the way. Please, just stop.

Scenario 2: The Congregation

Similar to the first situation is the problem of multiple people being where you want to be at the exact moment you want to be there. Example: my dad again was at Home Depot in search of a fence and wiring system. Nothing interesting. The farthest corner of the store, dark and dreary, where NOBODY ever is…and guess what? At this exact moment about five non English speaking people are gathered arlound the fencing accessories, discussing the fence and examining every inch of each product. The fact that they did not speak English is not the point..the point is that they are RIGHT THERE WHEN YOU WANT TO BE THERE. How many times have you ever walked into a store, know what you wanted, have made a specific bee line to that product and found yourself behind a group of people huddled around the EXACT location of that product? It’s truly unbelievable.

Scenario 3: The Hustler

Okay, I know I’m not alone on this one. How many times have you found yourself in line ready to pay for something, calmly waiting your turn, and a person waltzes up behind you only to ATTACH themselves to you and stand so closely that you can taste their deoderant. (let’s hope) WHAT IS THIS. When I am in line behind someone, I give them about a foot of room. Wasn’t this rule established in like second grade? The bubble principle? Don’t go into my bubble. If I have to wait, SO DO YOU. Stop shuffling your feet, clearing your throat, and lurching over me and trying to see how long the person in front of me is going to take. YOU HAVE TO WAIT THIS ISN’T IMMEDIATE SERVICE. Also, after I have completed my order and turn around, do not be surprised if I bump into you and say, “Oh, excuse me” in an unapologetic tone. I bet these people are the same people who use coupons at restaurants and try to get every item discounted at the grocery store as well. YOU CAN’T RUSH ME AND THEN EXPECT TO GET 89 CENTS OFF YOUR GODDAMN CUCUMBER BUNDLE. Fuck off.

Scenario 4: The Cellulars

If I’m in line behind you at a department store (especially these, my god) DO NOT YAK ON YOUR GODDAMN CELL PHONE FOR TEN MINUTES WHILE TRYING TO EXCHANGE 856 DIFFERENT ITEMS. This is the opposite of the problem listed above. You are the type of person who will not only gab away on your phone the entire time, but will insist that you have a coupon or store credit card somewhere in your purse while I’m standing there with a pair of socks. Do not be this person. Be courteous.

Scenario 5: Chatty Cathies

In the dentist chair, at the hair salon, the oil change, the manicure place. JUST DO YOUR JOB AND SPEAK WHEN IT PERTAINS TO THE JOB. Okay, yeah, a casual “hey, how ya doin?” is fine. Ask me about what I’m doing, even though I’ll respond in the high pitched “Oh yeah, you know, just finished school, looking for a real job” every time. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. And no, I don’t really care to hear about your life either. You’re my hairdresser. You’re my dentist. You’re my beautician. I see you for a specific reason when I need to see you. Oh, and if you’re giving me a massage, do not say more than “Is this too hard?” Please. A casual hello and how are you and BRIEF small talk before the job begins is alright. DO NOT insist on telling me your life story then and there. I am then forced to have a fixed smile on my face while nodding my head as I think “shut the f*** up”. It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes you seem desperate.

 

I will most likely complete this and have more examples to add throughout the week. These are just some of the pet peeves I have with society. I try to be BRUTALLY aware of not doing any of these things. Occasionally, I get it, we all slip, but there’s this thing called common courtesy, and I think a lot of us could benefit from it. So, in conclusion, don’t be that guy.


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I need your help

Hey guys..so I’m in need of some of your help. It’s okay if you don’t want to respond or find this post somewhat naive or lame. In any sense…I’m about to pop the question.

CAN YOU GUYS HELP ME FIND A JOB?!

Seriously. It’s harder than ever now and I’m not even entirely sure what I want to do.

My degree is in Communication and my specialty or “area of expertise” is Journalism/writing…however as you all know…newspapers are going the way of the anicent Pilgrims these days…and that’s why I started this blog

I was struggling to kind of get up and going on my feet and admittedly, my writing is a tad rusty so excuse me if it sounds somewhat convoluted. A friend who I was working with told me that I should start a blog just to get my thoughts into writing and it has helped tremendously. My problems is that I’m too lazy to actually research a topic unless I’m INCREDIBLY passionate about it. So I guess, really…I’m like most people in that sense.

Also, whenever I tell anybody that I want to be a writer or write for a company they kind of look down on me and do that whole pat me on the head oh you’re so cute thing…that or they entirely dismiss the idea as childish, archaic and a waste of time for little money.

I need help guys. Where can I write that will make me money? Some people have indeed become wildly successful in writing blogs but I’m not sure that’s something that would interest me…after all…that takes a lot of upkeep and you need to keep up to date with special topics…something that doesn’t interest me much. (Kimye? Nuff said.)

Sigh…it’s the age old struggle…doing what you love vs making money.


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New Perspectives

Things I’m happy about:

-The fact that I recently smashed my latest plateau. I was able to lift heavier and incorporate new moves into my routine this week. I am no longer concerned with the fact that I am not running every day…if anything…it makes me a stronger runner.

-My new workout regimen. 1 hour of intense sports functional body weight moves coupled with 45 minutes of heavy ass lifting

-The fact that I now have coconut flavored coffee creamer in my possession

-The sangria in my fridge that I have yet to dive into

-The fact that I am working more hours and okay with that and NOT spending money and actually saving it.

-The fact that I am waking up a little bit earlier than usual

-Drinking more water than usual

-Seeing more friends

-Moderating my eating habits so that I’m not fucking full as hell after every damn meal

 

Things I need to focus more on:

-Guitar. I haven’t played in a while…I need to get back on track with that

-Finding a REAL full time job and not just dicking around picking up hours at the restaurant although it’s not bad cash

-Not smoking a cigarette when I get stressed

-Not drinking every night (heavily I mean)

-My goals for the future

-My core work

-Running and biking

-Waking up wicked early to run and bike and avoid the heat

 

Yeah, things are good thus far but every now and then I get a little bit anxious over eating something fattening or something stupid like drinking too much. I just need to be balanced and stay on that continuous track.


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My Battle with Depression

So, I haven’t revealed what I really go through on a day to day basis, but I’m about to tell you all a whole helluva lot about myself…and what it’s like to be inside my head. ‘Ere goes.

The thing about depression is it never really goes away. It’s just a lingering air of empty feelings that you can’t locate, not even with a microscopic lens and all of the technology in the world. It’s not like chicken pox, where it can be cured. It’s more of a slow forming disease. It begins with its physical debilitation, cutting off all feeling from your extremeties and then slowly moves towards the emotional receptors in your brain which begin to shut down. Everything becomes blank. You no longer are happy with simple pleasures like food or good sex or a good book to read. It becomes a chore. Mundane tasks are obstacles, an avalanche. The slightest wrong tone in somebody’s voice can make you feel as though you’ve just committed murder. Worthless. 

It’s worse because if you’re anything like me, you also most likely struggle with anxiety. Anxiety and depression are highly associated and often are never far apart. They play off one another and compound until you’re really just a manic anxious depressive individual. You think about how depressed you are which makes you anxious, which then makes you even more depressed and you then get so fed up that you do something you regret on impulse. You become numb to feeling. Numb to sensation both mental and physical. Feeling blank is something you’re too familiar with. Often happy moments are quickly trampled by impending doom of the future.

Depression is never an easy thing to explain. It leaves your tongue tied and your palms sweaty. Trying to explain to somebody who says “but I don’t get it…why are you so depressed? Just stop being depressed?” is like pulling teeth. You have everything you’ve ever wanted, right? So why are you sad? Oh, it’s just a phase, right….no. Depression lingers. It stays with you. It has triggers. Those triggers are small, but they are powerful. They can send you into the abyss, void of emotion, entirely obsolete. You become fluid in your motion, day in and day out that nothing has meaning, or purpose. The reason for your existence ceases to be a question. You contemplate what it would be like if you were to die, but then again, you kind of enjoy your ho hum life. So you stick around in the hopes that something better will arrive and you remain in limbo floating through until that day never comes. It never comes.

It doesn’t have to be traumatic either. You don’t need a death in the family. Or reasons really at all. You don’t need a script or rubric. It just happens. Sometimes it is caused by something else, and other times it may just be a wholly apathetic and unsatisfied outlook on life. That second one seems to confuse people. “But why? Life is soooo great!” As Mr. Hemingway said, “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” Not to say we’re all martyrs and self depricators…we just can’t control it, really…

Having depression is a weight. A weight that may lessen and grow, it might disappear for a week or two, and become shielded by a false hope that everything will be okay again. A false sense of security perhaps being the most disheartening feeling. You spend time doing what you love, being with those that care for you, attempting to live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Yet you have that plague. That weight. A crowded room with empty stares. A full house with nobody home. A heavy heart and a blank mind. 

This isn’t everything guys, perhaps just one part of two or three. But this is just a taste of what depression feels like.