The Coffee Runner

Staying sane one cup of coffee at a time

Being Alone is not Lonely

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Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Some people (like myself) prefer being left to themselves. They like exploring their own interests and seeking happiness by doing rather than receiving or reaching. When somebody wants to be left alone it does not mean they are lonely. You can be in a crowded room and be lonely. Or you could be the only person in a deserted city and feel more alive and belonging than ever before. This concept of “being alone=loneliness”, particularly today when it is a rare sight to see a young lady sitting by herself without a man hovering close by, is absurd. People need and believe it or not enjoy time to themselves. If you never have any time to yourself, you’re not taking the time you need to cultivate your own interests and discover all of your personal talents and goals. You can share these with others, but you do not need to do them with others. You may have similar interests with other people, but you may prefer to act on your own accord. Not everything is a competition with others. “Yeah I ran a mile!” “Wow, Bob that’s great! I just ran my 100 Marathon!”

People tend to shy away from competition when they find others are passively “one-upping” their own triumphs in life. Nobody wants to hear that, so they choose to be left alone. This is like the situation in a party setting. A room full of people jabbering about nothing and anything at all, with no direct focus. You might feel left out, or like nobody understands or wants to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation. Other times, the best conversations you have are situated in a back alley cafe somewhere with a total stranger. Other times you find you don’t need to say anything at all. You can simply gaze across the room and find someone doing the exact same thing….sitting in silence. Enjoying themselves. Learning and growing as a result of personal persuit.

I don’t like how America has become all about “involvement”. I can be involved and be distant from a social sphere. I’m doing it right now. I’m alone, but I’m enjoying myself, and I’m speaking to all of you and learning as I go. People do not surround me all of the time. I’d say I am on my own 95% of the time. Why? Because I enjoy doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I am in a healthy, balanced relationship. The person understands when I want to be left to my own self and when I want to spend time with them. A healthy, loving relationship is not one where you are attached at the hip; it’s allowing your other to grow for themselves and learn on their own. That way, you can have something to talk about next time you grab coffee.

Simply put, being alone is not lonesome. It can be the best feeling in the world.


Author: Shelby Akers

I'm Shelby. I'm 22. I like running , biking, lifting heavy weights, good reads, making music, writing stories, drinking beer, drinking gin, drinking wine and good fucking coffee. Balance and moderation are the keys to life.

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