This is something that I feel needs to be said. I am not one to belittle or judge others for their hobbies, interests, and most importantly, major life decisions. However, it has come to my attention that a lot of us, some of us entirely unaware, have become, for lack of a better word consumed by how we look. I’m not talking vanity. I’m talking about compulsion. Self obsession. Abandoning family affairs and friendly outings to spend hours upon hours trying to improve the very image that makes you special. The image that, to you, can always be better. Sure, I’m an advocate for self improvement. I run (a lot), I bike, hike, lift and eat relatively healthy. I compete in races and have goals just like the rest of us. But I don’t live inside a box, restricting myself and telling myself I can and cannot have this or that. I make time for what matters. Occasionally, yes, I find that I am consumed with myself and need to take two steps back to evaluate where I really stand. But I am not bound to a life of tupperware and scales. What I am about to explain might be familiar to some of you, and for some this may be exactly you. Anyway, here is what I DO not like about the newest, latest and greatest “fitness” craze.
First, carrying around tupperware containers everywhere you go is not cool. Those are to be left in the cabinets of your kitchen or for picnic outings. The occasional to go lunch is alright, but in this day and age isn’t Subway easy enough? Tupperware is used for leftovers, not actual meals. Stop meal prepping. Stop toting around these bite sized containers of chicken and broccoli. Nobody cares about your sweet potato that took six hours to bake. Meal prepping and tupperware containers should be left at home.
2. Counting Macros
Additionally, why count your food intake? Okay, if you want to lose weight, you are going to need to cut calories EVERYWHERE. These people who say “WELL IF IT GODDAMN FITS YOUR MACROS THEN IT’S FAIR GAME.” Sure, you may end up with beastly quads or lats the size of Texas, but what about deep down? High cholesterol? Diabetes? Mood swings? High triglycerides? Liver disease? I’m sure pounding that froyo seems like a good idea at the time, and yeah, instagrammers love it. But if you’re really concerned about your health and truly want to change your body, you can’t just pound chocolate and ice cream. I don’t care if you “eat clean” 80% of the time as a disclaimer. This isn’t license to indulge in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Also, food is not meant to be weighed. Are you really that person at the party who can’t order anything but seared chicken and broccoli because you’re nsure whether or not it “fits your macros?” You’re really going to have an anxiety attack because you had an “untracked” bowl of cereal? Even though you were going to pass out any minute and needed food? Come on. Stop counting these “macros” and just eat real food. If you’re trying to lose weight, cut all calories from all food sources. If you’re trying to build muscle, stop claiming you can eat “whatever” and “lol gainz” because in ten years, your heart and liver might not be looking so hot.
3. Not doing cardio
Okay hot shot. Let’s see you run a mile. HAHALOLZMYGAINZBUTFUCKCARDIO. Let’s see you get on that two wheeler and bike five miles up that hill, champ? Miss, I only do 20 minutes of HIIT cardio and just lift heavy “as fuck”. Okay, you can squat 250 for a girl, impressive. Those monster quads you got now? Keep em up when you’re fifty. Let’s see how your heart’s doing then. Guys, it’s not hard. Just balance it out. I lift too. But unless you are an Olympic fucking weightlifter or are a SERIOUS powerlifter with credentials…shut up and do some fucking cardio. Run a few miles, it’s not that hard. It will benefit you. You’re not cool for just lifting. This whole “girls lifting heavy shit”? Whatever happened to 5ks and 13.1? I still do that, and I don’t feel any different. Where’s the sense of accomplishment in feeling bloated all the time and feeling like you can’t even put one foot in front of the other. Do you want to retain water 24/7? You know, you can walk until you’re 100. But all of that heavy lifting will end one day.
4. Posting every fucking goddamn workout or lift you do on instagram.
Who’s taking these pictures anyway? Do you ask somebody? Or do you drag your friend along? Let me guess, they carry your tupperware containers too. Oh, they’re also weighing out your food too so you can hit that anabolic window after hitting your PR. Lol. PR. And all these abbreviations. Stop. Just say personal best. Unless you fell or were injured in a funny way, I don’t want to see the same picture of you squatting or deadlifting.
These are just a few of my pet peeves. But before I make any more enemies, I shall stop here.